Ten reasons newspapers still matter

1)They are democratic. Just about everyone has access to one. Ever see a homeless person reading the daily paper on a Kindle?
2)They make nice paper hats.
3)They can also serve as umbrellas in a brief downpour.
4)They can be used as toys for some.
5)They can be used as weapons against others (and pretty goods ones, too).
6)They can provide protection against a strong wind.
7)They serve as an alternative to lathering up with sun block, if held above the face.
8)In an emergency, they can be used as a mop or sponge.
9)They make for a nice flat blanket against a cold or damp seat.
10)The perennial fly swatter.
11)They make for a very nice, if a bit cumbersome, fan.
12)When jotting around the margins, they make for a nice notepad.
13)They still contain more information in one easy to transport case than just about any other device or implement currently known to humankind. And they're quite easily replacable, require no monthly service fee, and provide us with space and privacy in the event we wish to place one in front our nose while on the subway.