Friday, December 21, 2012

The Kids are Alright

Here’s my solution to our vexing problem with gun violence.

We have heard the calls from many on the left for an assault weapon ban, or a restriction on the sale of certain types of ammunition.

And on the right, there has been talk of arming teachers and school administrators.  Some have even suggested teaching youth to gang rush armed attackers.

Each side fervently believes in their position.  And each position is entrenched, ossified in some cases, particularly those who feel that teachers, busy with grading exams and quizzes, as well as doing class prep, should find the time to hit the shooting range in order to maintain their rating. 

This is just not the solution.  We can’t rely on the teachers, the principals, the school nurses, even those dastardly lunch ladies, to defend our children.

We can, however, teach individual rights, and self-defense, by arming our children.

The little buggers can do it themselves.  They already program our tablets and phones, and run the damn electrical grid we call our wireless network. 

So what’s a few million more guns in the hands of pint sized pistol packing pre-teens.


What six year old wouldn’t be happy to carry a fully loaded automatic in her backpack. 


What ten year old wouldn’t trade in his lacrosse stick for a Bushmaster. 

I’m proposing that Apple and Samsung work together with Glock and Smith & Wesson to build a iGlock or a S&WGalaxyS3.  Imagine the potential for such an item.  With tracking capability, students would be able to learn geography, engage in physical education training, and work on that all important hand/eye coordination.

We’ve long ignored the potential for providing weapons training in elementary school.  The time is right, the opportunity is before us, and our children are waiting, clamoring even, to wrap their hands around a shiny new toy. 

Just ask them.  After all, more than a new outfit, nothing says well dressed child better than a holstered pink pistol strapped to jeggings. 

Go, NRA!